On yet another New Years Eve night spent alone, I was listening to the radio. A show came on with a woman telling the testimony of her experiences in a concentration camp in Europe during World War II. After her story she then stated that the emotional pain of being left by her husband later in life and the burning loneliness and feelings of rejection that scarred her heart was actually far worse a suffering than her being in a concentration camp.
Suddenly, I was in a flood of tears in agreement with her. I thought of how my ex-husband had left me and married someone else and then how are only son chose to live with his father and not me after the divorce was final. I looked to my past and saw failure and broken dreams as far as family life was concerned.
Jeremiah 10:20a
My tent is destroyed,
And all my ropes are broken;
My sons have gone from me and are no more….
I poured my heart out to God about my future. I told Him about the utter loneliness of being single again and how broken I was over my past failures and rejections. I asked Him to allow me to be helpmate of a godly man. I was then led then by the Holy Spirit to pray for a male Christian friend to come into my life. The next evening (of New Year’s Day) I was making dinner and showing the movie, Beauty and the Beast. Someone knocked on the door and I opened it and there was Jim standing on the porch looking like a lost puppy. He had come by to drop off some medical equipment that was unneeded now that his mother was gone.
Jim told me he thought that my two roommates (nurses) might be able to use these things. I invited Jim in and asked him if he wanted to watch the movie and have dinner with Kay and me. Jim seemed to welcome the company as he nowhere else to go on this New Year’s evening. So Jim stayed in a dinner and watched the movie with us and seemed cheered by the company. As Jim left later that evening he thanked me for cooking him dinner and asked how he could pray for me. I shared some burdens with him and then Jim gave me a hug and assured me he’d pray about them.
Since that evening Jim and I began to share one another’s burdens and pray for one another daily. Over the next two years we discussed numerous doctrinal issues important to us and we found ourselves in agreement about the majority of them. We shared many good times and laughter and fun with the college fellowship. We both liked folk and Irish music. I was beginning to struggle with feelings for Jim. I never shared my feelings with him and did my best to hide my feelings. Also, out of agape love for Jim I felt I would not be a good choice for him because I was twelve years older than him and most likely couldn’t have children anymore.
I just took those feelings to the Lord and offered these desires on the altar of sacrifice similar to like Abraham had worship the Lord on Mt. Moriah when he offered up Isaac the desire of his heart.
S.T.R.O.N.G. Women 